My Introduction to Germany and Move to Cologne, part 1

Today is Germany Unity Day, so it’s an important holiday in my new home. This commemorates the events of 30 years ago, within our lifetime, when East and West Germany were reunited. Usually I teach a couple of ballet classes on Thursday afternoons, but today I took it easy and thought I would also post this blog, the start of what could be a series about how I came to know this beautiful country. My history with Germany and German culture is actually pretty new. Back when we were in college and dating, my ex-husband visited friends who were studying abroad in Freiburg I believe it was, but I couldn’t join in at that time. He had a blast and I thought maybe we would go together someday. Myself, I studied abroad in Italy one summer, then subsequently travelled to other European countries, including France, the UK, Ireland. I’ve also greatly enjoyed other parts of the world I’ve had the privilege to explore: New Zealand and Peru.

I first visited German just over a year ago, in July 2018, on a trip I had planned with my ex-wife before she left me. Friends encouraged me to go on the journey anyhow--I deserved it, they said, needed a break, and already planned to meet up with dear friends living in different parts of the country. Indeed, that two weeks I was based in Wiesbaden, and visited Berlin, Rosenheim (with a short jaunt in Munich), Salzberg (Austria!), and Cologne. Cologne was Angie’s idea, as she was going to fly out to Lacey’s birthday celebration in Copenhagen from there and we could tourist around the day before her morning flight, spend the night, and then I could stay another night to explore if I liked. I Googled Cologne to discover that it is among the queerest cities in the country, as well as very artsy and international. Yes, I would like to learn more about this place!

That two-week adventure, traveling alone but seeing friends along the way,  was a life-affirming, life-celebrating, life-changing trip! I can’t possibly express my gratitude that I was able to do it in the midst of the insecurity of my relationship dissolving before my eyes and everything in my life being called into question. I was worried about finances and my future, but I was also badly in need of a break from school--I was one semester into my 3-semester teaching credential program and struggling--and work--I had taught a summer enrichment dance program at a local middle school, what felt like one of my most heroic accomplishments yet, in addition to the usual teaching at studios and choreographing for a summer show. But the trip wouldn’t really cost me much: I wouldn’t be working anyhow, the flights were paid for, I could mostly stay with friends, and I could get a good deal on a train pass. So I went! The moment the plane left the gate, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders

I mostly took trains to get around, navigating around proudly on my own, listened to what music I wanted, wrote a TON, ate and slept however I wished, and got to know a lovely, hospitable country! I can’t believe that I waited so long to visit Germany, as I was so near in the past, but I tend to just focus on one country, or even city, at a time. I had always wanted to visit France and Italy, maybe Greece...many European countries, but it hadn’t really occurred to me previously to come to Germany. It just happened that several friends, from Honolulu and also from my past, now lived here and provided the inspiration to visit. I’m so glad they did! So grateful for my friends’ generosity and support of me when I most needed it. It was brilliant to reconnect with Franny in Rosenheim, with stunning mountains around. It was a blast to see Angie multiple times, and we sipped wine as we rode the train to Cologne along the Rhine river, watching gorgeous castles in the distance. This country has so many green rolling hills, forests, rivers and lakes, wildlife. I ate amazing food, drank delicious wine, learned to appreciate beer, saw inspirational art, attended the incredible Ballett Stuttgarter. The road trip to Salzburg with Angie and Lacey was so pretty, a highlight being our wild “Sound of Music” singalong bicycle tour.

My day alone in Cologne was emotionally raw to begin with, my mood not matching the shining summer sun. I called friends in the US who were willing to listen to me cry and offer words of encouragement and support. I wandered and though I found the city pretty, my grief was overwhelming. I went back to the hotel to have a nap before going out to check out the night life. It took an incredible act of will to get up, take a shower, and drag myself back out onto the Strasse. I kept thinking: “what am I thinking?” Walked through the drizzling rain, following Google Maps directions to the Shaafenstrasse and specifically Die Mumu, which appeared to be the most famous gay bar in town. It was a saturday night, but I couldn’t find any special parties happening, so just headed for the gayborhood. It was still too early, and hardly anyone was around, though a few nice-looking folks were relaxing at outdoor tables casually. I passed by and went for a Doner dinner. 

I Iook my time eating, and then returned to Die Mumu, joining what looked like a friendly group of gay boys. Indeed, they welcomed me, and one spoke good English, and we joked around for a while. In a bit, having exchanged Instagram handles (my re-entry into the world of IG after being disenchanted for a while), they said, “we’re going to go this way...but you should go over there,” indicating the Iron Bar at the end of the block. Ok, so I followed their instructions, passed those intriguing-looking folks at the tables out front, and ordered myself a drink inside to nurse until I got the courage to talk to someone. And I did! I got to know a few locals that night, most notably Ela, with whom I hit it off starting with the opening line of “nice hair.” She was sporting a matching buzz cut to mine. 

The next morning I headed for Berlin, to meet up with my friends Dom and Ron who are now living in London, and were coming to meet me at an Airbnb for a long weekend of fun touring the city. I also caught up with my friend Brandon from NCSA, who is a conductor of one of Berlin’s many fine orchestras. On the way back down to Wiesbaden, I stopped back in Cologne for a couple more days to see more of the city through Ela’s eyes, had a marvelous time, and learned to count past four (vier) in German. It was difficult to return home, but I had much to do.

My trip changed my life, Ela and I were in touch until I returned December 2018/January 2019 for magical visit during the holidays, this time I focused on Cologne, with little excursions to a small town for a particularly beautiful Christmas Market, and the Netherlands for a tour of underground tunnels at a fort there. Her family were so warm and her friends so welcoming, including me in meals and celebrations. Friends even set up a special scavenger hunt through the city that made for a wonderful time on one of my last days. I was enchanted. I then returned to my wonderful Honolulu to complete my teaching credential and tying up loose ends, but a change was in the air.  

Ela visited my in Honolulu during the spring, and our love story flourished. I needed a change, was excited for new opportunities for growth, and positioned at good transition point, so  after much consideration and conversation, I got my affairs in order and moved with Rufio to Cologne last July 2019. It’s now been a quarter, I’ve attained my freelance work visa, am taking a German course, and teaching ballet at two local dance studios. In the future, I’ll write about my experiences adapting, learning a new language, teaching here, and this whole new chapter of my life.